For anyone who has read the book "The Five Love Languages" you will understand when I say that Jaren and I share the primary/secondary love language of physical touch. We can't help but hold hands or hug or even give quick kisses when in public. Even at home I can't stand going 10 minutes without finding Jaren to give him a hug or to rub his back or touch him in some way (non-sexual). We don't do anything inappropriate in front of others. Granted, when we are with Jaren's family we aren't as careful as to how much hugging or kissing goes on. I think his family has just come to accept it (correct me if I'm wrong) and teases us about it. Nobody really seems to complain about it except in joking.
In regards to a public display of affection, we have had several people come up to us after a church meeting and tell us how sweet they think it is when they see us all cuddly, holding hands, me scratching Jaren's back, etc. I promise, I'm not all over him in church. They even say more married couples should show (tasteful) affection in front of others. Again, all of this in a non-sexual or suggestive way. I guess not everyone feels that way though.
Today, after church was over, a single sister approximately in her 50's came up to me and said she wanted to speak to me for a minute about something Jaren and I did. I had no idea what she could possibly want to say to me. She has never spoken to me before. She proceeded to tell me how upset and offended she was by what my husband and I did and wanted to give me an opportunity to explain myself and help her understand so she wouldn't be so offended........I was baffled to say the least. What was she even talking about? I had to ask her what she was referring to because for the life of me I couldn't think of what I would have done to offend this woman. She then explained that the public display of affection in church offended her.
What??? We were good today. I only gave Jaren one short back rub/head scratch in Sacrament and I don't think she was close enough to see that. She did sit right behind us in Sunday School and I was FREEZING by that point. I forgot to bring my jacket so Jaren did sit with arms wrapped around me for the majority of the class to keep me warm. Aside from that sharing scriptures was all there was. What was to be offended about? The only thing I can think of is that at the end of the class as we prepared to part ways for the third hour, we gave each other a hug and quick kiss which we always do! Has she never seen it before? We've been doing that our whole married life and certainly for time in this branch. I didn't even know what to say when she asked me why we did what we did (being that we showed any affection in public). That's when I understood her comment in our Relief Society lesson earlier. Our lesson was on communication and at some point she mentioned how (in general) she hated it when people showed P.D.A. We even had to explain what P.D.A. meant to one of the older sisters. The lesson was random enough but with that comment I sat there thinking..."okay?"
Maybe because she's been single for so long she doesn't understand or know what it's like to be married. I don't know. My friend that was behind me, listening as this lady told me how inappropriate she thinks our behavior was, told me afterward that this lady was crazy. She said not to take it to heart and that she gives her husband (2nd counselor in the branch presidency) hugs and kisses in church too. Of course the damage had already been done. I was hurt that I would be approached like that with this woman being so offended and upset with me. She acted like we were making out in the middle of church! Jaren thinks she must be an ornery old lady who's jealous she doesn't get the same kind of affection. I don't know about that but he certainly won't let what this lady said change the fact that we give each other hugs and (tasteful) kisses in church or public. I don't want it to change either but is there truth to her words? I know I won't change the back scratches or holding hands in church but are we wrong to give any hugs or kisses at church between classes (between 2nd and 3rd hour to be precise)?
I don't know that I really want to know the truth of how others feel but I'm going to ask my friends and family who read this blog. Aside from at Jaren's parents house in front of only his family, has anyone ever thought that we are inappropriate with our affection in public? I do ask that if it's not something I want to hear that you sugar-coat it. It was bad enough with this lady hurting my feelings and I don't think I can handle it from loved ones too. Between this and my identity being stolen (see below), this just hasn't been my greatest week ever.
In regards to a public display of affection, we have had several people come up to us after a church meeting and tell us how sweet they think it is when they see us all cuddly, holding hands, me scratching Jaren's back, etc. I promise, I'm not all over him in church. They even say more married couples should show (tasteful) affection in front of others. Again, all of this in a non-sexual or suggestive way. I guess not everyone feels that way though.
Today, after church was over, a single sister approximately in her 50's came up to me and said she wanted to speak to me for a minute about something Jaren and I did. I had no idea what she could possibly want to say to me. She has never spoken to me before. She proceeded to tell me how upset and offended she was by what my husband and I did and wanted to give me an opportunity to explain myself and help her understand so she wouldn't be so offended........I was baffled to say the least. What was she even talking about? I had to ask her what she was referring to because for the life of me I couldn't think of what I would have done to offend this woman. She then explained that the public display of affection in church offended her.
What??? We were good today. I only gave Jaren one short back rub/head scratch in Sacrament and I don't think she was close enough to see that. She did sit right behind us in Sunday School and I was FREEZING by that point. I forgot to bring my jacket so Jaren did sit with arms wrapped around me for the majority of the class to keep me warm. Aside from that sharing scriptures was all there was. What was to be offended about? The only thing I can think of is that at the end of the class as we prepared to part ways for the third hour, we gave each other a hug and quick kiss which we always do! Has she never seen it before? We've been doing that our whole married life and certainly for time in this branch. I didn't even know what to say when she asked me why we did what we did (being that we showed any affection in public). That's when I understood her comment in our Relief Society lesson earlier. Our lesson was on communication and at some point she mentioned how (in general) she hated it when people showed P.D.A. We even had to explain what P.D.A. meant to one of the older sisters. The lesson was random enough but with that comment I sat there thinking..."okay?"
Maybe because she's been single for so long she doesn't understand or know what it's like to be married. I don't know. My friend that was behind me, listening as this lady told me how inappropriate she thinks our behavior was, told me afterward that this lady was crazy. She said not to take it to heart and that she gives her husband (2nd counselor in the branch presidency) hugs and kisses in church too. Of course the damage had already been done. I was hurt that I would be approached like that with this woman being so offended and upset with me. She acted like we were making out in the middle of church! Jaren thinks she must be an ornery old lady who's jealous she doesn't get the same kind of affection. I don't know about that but he certainly won't let what this lady said change the fact that we give each other hugs and (tasteful) kisses in church or public. I don't want it to change either but is there truth to her words? I know I won't change the back scratches or holding hands in church but are we wrong to give any hugs or kisses at church between classes (between 2nd and 3rd hour to be precise)?
I don't know that I really want to know the truth of how others feel but I'm going to ask my friends and family who read this blog. Aside from at Jaren's parents house in front of only his family, has anyone ever thought that we are inappropriate with our affection in public? I do ask that if it's not something I want to hear that you sugar-coat it. It was bad enough with this lady hurting my feelings and I don't think I can handle it from loved ones too. Between this and my identity being stolen (see below), this just hasn't been my greatest week ever.
12 comments:
I have Never been offended by your actions. All but once... and since now I'm married... its all cool. :) Jared and I kiss and hug in church. No big deal. We have only had one PDA comment and it was a joke. I think its good that you guys going what into 6 years(???) that you still do those fun things. Honestly I think she is just jealous. No affection from anyone and no one to give affection to. the fact she came up to you is better than passive aggressive people that just purposely run into you (literally).
all in all, there is nothing wrong with your affection. this is a church about family. The fact that you guys still love each other when divorce rates are so high is commendable. And it is much better to show your love for each other than yelling at each other.
I say you kiss in front of her more often. :)
WOW!!! Thats all I can say.I have NEVER been offended by your PDA before. I am so sorry she hurt your feelings!
Pish, whatever! You need to just laugh that one off rather than give it any merit. I know you miss emily... don't let this other person make you feel bad or embarrassed. Even if you were caught making out in the parking lot- who cares?! Everyone else is just jealous :)
She really just sounds like an old busy body that doesnt have anything better to do with her time than tell others how SHE thinks they should live their life.
Wow she is for sure crazy!! Me and Matt do the samething! More power to ya don't let her opinion change who ur are as a couple!! Love ya and miss ya!
Kevin and I also kiss and hug in church. I also would have felt offended if she had said to me what she said to you. I think there's not enough PDA among married couples. I mean, yes, too far is too far, but I'm only talking about what you're talking about--the arms around and then kissing when you leave for RS. I think that's all good.
I think it's one of those things where something you do/say might offend one person out of 100. As hard as it is to ignore that 1 "squeaky wheel," you owe it to yourself to just be yourself!
And I've read the Five Love Languages, too. Good book!
Are you kidding???? You and Jaren would purposely offend me . . . well maybe it was Jaren that was purposely trying to offend me- you just happened to play along- making out in the back of my car, among other things!!! I can totally see you two sitting in church making out alol over each other and this poor old lady sitting behind you, trying to get a spiritual experience. There were probably clothes flying everywhere, lipstick smeared on Jaren's face and the sounds must have even drowned out the kids screaming in sacrament. Ya, she was probably right!!!! ha ha ha
Jared,
I should have specified in this post that you don't count. Jaren completely and intentionally tried to get as much PDA with me in front of you while you were single as possible. I was an innocent victim in his evil scheming. I promise, we do behave in church and in public. We're not even NEAR as bad in front of Jaren's family as we were in front of you! :)
Innocent my foot!!
Serves you right Mr. Menace to Society.
This is Jaren by the way.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this Emily!! I've personally experienced this many, many times at church. Because of my situation with Ella, I had some members even call and tell me that they hated me because of my choice. That was a really hard pill to swallow. There is nothing wrong with showing how much you care about your husband, and there is nothing offensive about a quick peck. Our church's foundation is family, and family wouldn't exist if there wasn't "physical communication". Its difficult to understand the ideas or notions that some people have, that can be so different from your own. You didn't do anything wrong, and I commend you for not telling her that what she was saying offended you! But, I'm the same way -- I still get hurt when there are particular lessons given with the stern opinions of others on choice & accountability. But ultimately I've been taught, the church is perfect - its the people who aren't. You didn't do anything wrong ~ don't let her words hurt you. This might be an opportunity to befriend her and let her feel the love that she may be missing in her life!
I am totally laughing right now! HAHAHA, probably not as funny to you but you guys are totally the PDA couple. We have a couple in our ward too. Me and trev aren't pda people but I would never be offended, I just like to tease you guys but as long as the tounge suff stays out, I would hold his hand and sit really really close to him next week.
I am sorry but that lady is crazy!!!!!!!! I told you people in branches are crazy. I am with Jaren, I think she sees you guys and is just jealous that she doesn't have that relationship. I think it is really cute and it shows how much you two really love each other. Keep it up and don't listen to her. Oh and I would be all over Jaren next week in church, hee hee.
Oh and sorry about your identity, that is crazy. I think I would want to cry all the time if that were me.
Emily don't take her words too hard. That was not the time or place for her to approach you. Just remember that even some pda makes people uncomfortable no matter how innocent it is. (there are members in our own family like that) Also being offended was her choise she could just make sure she doesn't sit any where near you. Everyone communicates in different ways. If she has been single all her life she hasn't experinced how nice even just little touches can show love and comfort and not be sexual. If she confornts you again maybe ask to talk to her outside of church with someone you think she might trust and tell her you don't see how anything you have done is wrong. A good chat might help clear the air. hope you have a good week.
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