The Pregnancy Test

Warning: If you are the type of person to be offended or think it inappropriate for people to talk about trying to get pregnant in general (not the actual deed), then don't read this post.

Many of you know what I'm talking about when I say that this little stick has the ability to bring joy or cause pain. How is it such a small thing can have such a huge emotional effect on us women? As all of you know, Jaren and have been trying for about 6 years now to get pregnant. We both have been tested and everything is in working condition but it just hasn't happened. This last month was the first time I actually tried a fertility drug called clomid.

Before moving on I want to express that I am not posting about this to try and get sympathy from anyone or complain about how bad I have it because that is not the case. I have a body that has the ability to get pregnant which I am grateful for and a loving husband as well as support from family and friends. This is more of an expression of bitter feelings toward the pregnancy test at this current moment. Hopefully that will change in the near future.

Moving past lots of boring details...I took a pregnancy test last Saturday. It was about 4:00 in the morning when I woke up really needing to use the restroom. I could have waited for a decent hour but these tests work best in the morning when you're urine is more concentrated. I had been unsure on whether or not to try a test because it was still a bit early to be really "late" in my cycle. I rolled over to Jaren and asked if he thought I should and he said to go ahead and take one. I followed all of the instructions and waited while that little timer flashed at me. Then it happened. A big, glaring "Not Pregnant" stared at me. Anger and sorrow washed over me. "Stupid Pee Stick!" I thought. I threw it in the garbage and went back to our room. As soon as I got back in bed Jaren's eyes popped open to gauge my reaction to the test and he knew instantly. My sweet husband pulled me in and cuddled me while I cried for the first time after taking a pregnancy test.

I know eventually we'll get our chance to be parents and bring sweet babies into this world. Heavenly Father has his timing and right now it just must not be our time. We certainly haven't lost hope. We'll try again but in the mean time...

I'm MAD at you pregnancy test!! I don't care if it's not your fault!

I'm a failure at blogging, I know.

Obviously I haven't been very good about blogging for several months now. Sometimes there really is NOTHING new or exciting to post about and other times we forget the camera for something I would post about. And we all know a post without pictures is boring (kind of like this one). That's been my problem for some time now. Several outings or trips and the camera gets left at home. This last time for our anniversary trip to Hilton Head, SC the camera came with us but for some reason I would only remember it (sitting in my bag at the hotel) once we had already driven away. Too late, not going back.

So I'm a failure at blogging. I've thought so many times about just giving it up. For now, I'll keep trying and failing and occasionally posting something. Maybe when we have kids I'll find more things to blog about...or I'll have no time to blog and it will be worse. We'll see. In the mean time, keep checking back every so often. I do eventually plan on posting some exciting news when it happens. :)